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Dealing with a Life of Rejection

Finding the confidence to accept inevitable disappointment.

2024-04-15T19:28-07:00

We spend our lives looking for mutual acceptance among friends, lovers and coworkers. Our tribal instinct motivates us to be seen and understood, yet on our quest for happiness we stumble over many disappointments and rejections. Between brief moments of validation we find ourselves juggling a painful truth: one person’s joy often means another’s dissatisfaction.

Whether on dating apps or in job interviews, disappointment is inevitable. We want something the other doesn’t, but our self-centered ego-driven culture masks this reality. In a world of instant gratification we forget that rejection is the norm and mutual satisfaction is rare. With these warped expectations we fall into despair when things don’t go our way.

I recently felt like the most worthless person on Earth after a string of both personal and professional rejections. Then I recalled all the times I held the power and pushed others out. A deep sense of empathy washed over me for everyone I had denied, and I felt comfort knowing that I belonged to the group of those who don’t belong. “Wanted: the Unwanted” is the job listing of the human condition.

How someone handles rejection says a lot about him. Does he wallow in self-pity or does he fill with rage? Maybe he moves on gracefully by appreciating the dance of rejecting and being rejected, ultimately finding balance and validation within. We all have stood on both sides of this phenomenon. It’s a sobering reminder that life is in constant flux, humbling us when we’re high and uplifting us when we’re low.

Giving everyone what they desire isn’t the answer, or even possible. If that first date who never called me back became my boyfriend out of pity, we’d both end up miserable. We have to stand up for what we want while learning to love ourselves enough when we don’t get it. Rejection won’t destroy our sense of worth if our confidence is strong enough.

By loving myself I can not only survive disappointment, but even celebrate not getting what I hoped for as another step of my spiritual growth. The Buddha said that all suffering stems from desire, and what better way to overcome desire than by embracing rejection?

What better way to dissolve the pain of self-loathing than with the joy of self-love?